How to Place A Bet 01/10/01 Every year, thousands of novice punters go to the track to join in the festivities and approach the betting window with trepidation and fear. But it need not be that way. Here are some handy hints picked up from Turf Deli's personal five year apprenticeship as an on course operator 1. Don't take a form guide or race book to the window. The console operators are trained professionals and have stayed up all night memorising every runners name and number, so you can just ask for them by name. Of course, if they are printing out the ticket, they must also know the odds for every runner. Make sure to include a scratching in your selections just to keep the operator on their toes - you can get a bit sleepy when faced with a queue of ten or more for 6 hours straight. 2. The longest queue isn't the one to place the bets, or to collect your winnings, it’s the EFTPOS queue (otherwise known as the Holy Temple of Future Financial Redemptions ). Its much quicker to borrow money off friends who have had too much to drink and won't remember. 3. You will notice the windows are marked by denomination - $50, $20, $10. Look for the window marked "Wuss Bets". There, you can bet buttons and match sticks, and if you are really lucky you will win the large jar of jelly beans (but only if you guess closest). 4. Put on the bets for all your friends at once, for as many generations of your family (from grandma to the 4 year old), and for all the races in one go. These are best not written down, just committed to short term memory. Bring just one friend along to the window (two heads are better than one), so you can enter into earnest discussion " What was Wendy's bet again ? Number 4 ? Number 14 ?". Always bring along one extra friend who waits at the back of the queue, so you can turn around and shout out " Number 11 is scratched Mick, which one do you want ?", whilst those behind you groan and shuffle impatiently. 5. It is a requirement that you continue to drink whilst placing bets - usually a bottle of champagne or can of beer, and the more you spill at the window and over your tickets the more likely they are to win. Remember that betting tickets are made super absorbent, just like paper towels in order to deal with this sort of treatment. 6. Feel free to make up bet types - quinfecta's and triella's are highly recommended, or just go the straight trifecta on 2 and 7. 7. The time spent in the betting queue is the time to decide what to bet on - you don't want to make up your mind too early. Make sure you have your money well hidden in the most obscure pocket of your race day outfit, and take your time to count out that change. Stop and check each ticket slowly and carefully, adjust your hat, pick up your glasses, adjust your tie, check your grooming and do up your shoe laces. Ignore the heavy breathing down your back and the four bodies eagerly clambering over you to get to the window. Thankfully we have now purged that from our system and saved years of counselling.